Friday night I made time to go for a manicure and a pedicure. Saturday I had a massage which was arranged for me by a close friend who personal trains with me.
All week I looked forward to the pampering and down-time. This is certainly not a norm for me and for the past few years it wasn't even a once in a while indulgence.
Driving to my appointment Friday night I witnessed a negative thought process brewing and felt my mood change. I tried to head that off at the pass, so to speak, however the appointment itself didn't go smoothly at times (poor Lana was having a very rough night and was overbooked).
The negative thoughts all stemmed from using the word should. Should. Shouldn't. Every time I see myself use those words I realize I am passing judgement on something. A negative judgement no less. Actually it doesn't stem from the word should so much as from me judging myself as selfish and undeserving of giving to myself or receiving from friends. Hmm.
I shouldn't spend money on myself. I should be saving money. I should be working more. I should be doing something more useful with my time instead of sitting on my fanny being pampered.
Basically it means I still have some work to do when it comes to loving myself. I would never, in a million years, ever pass such a judgment on another human being and find fault with them having a Mani and Pedi once or twice a month. I judge myself too harshly, too often, and it is time to be a bit kinder.
Last month I had a massage. This month I had a massage. Physically my neck and back are a bit of a train wreck. Like the rest of the world I carry my stress there and have enough knots to secure a fleet of boats. After both massages I felt physically better yet mentally worse, I felt guilty. Who am I to deserve this gift from my friend? The first time I felt guilty I did not really understand why. This weekend, on the heels of the should-ing incident, I understood. I am really comfortable DOING for others and struggle with and against anyone doing for me.
My friend Bobbi Jo is like that as well. I see it so clearly in her and just noticed in myself. Do you see that in yourself too?
It is time to start treating myself like a valued and appreciated friend. It is probably high time anyone reading this does the same with themselves, as well.
I work hard and deserve a little pampering a couple of times a month. To replace the word should with want in my vocabulary will suit me well, and it probably will do the same for anyone else who chooses to do the same.
I want to appreciate me, just as I am.
Loving yourself allows you to see the beauty in others. It opens your senses to the brilliance of divine light, to the sweetness of your own life experience and to the power of your focused incarnation. Loving yourself allows your consciousness to assume the shape of love, which makes you at once loving and lovable. But most of us are very stingy with the love we offer ourselves.